So we may be late to the party, especially considering our general level of crunchiness, but we just discovered coconut oil as lube?!

We know we just started up here but we’ll see y’all in a couple of months.

({V})

Just kidding! Kind of… Seriously, though, thumbs up on the coconut oil and seriously ironic that we just figured it out. We use coconut oil and baking soda for pretty much everything else. Cooking, moisturizing, body wash, toothpaste… huh. Awesome.

Anyways, we’re too busy (doing… uhh.. stuff) to say much more about this right now but you can very easily go down a coconut oil as lube bunny hole pretty quickly on the interwebs. The first page of links was (in my googling) filled with informational but heternormative how to’s, precautions and douchebaggery. We implore you to do your own magical, sparkly, unicorn couple/s/ing research and then flood your posts with tags: #queercoconutlubricatedunicornfornication #queersforcoconuts #crunchyqueercoconutsex #queercococonutliberation #notjustforoilpulling (we’re open to ideas.) Just imagine a world where the first page of a google search on coconuts is a celebratory list of slippery queerness! Ahh… that’s the dream….

but I digress…

———

Cock and I had the most amazing experience last night.. seriously get your head out of the coconut gutter! You dirty, dirty, slippery, naughty *heavy breathing*….

Ahem… like I was saying… we had the most amazing experience last night! We often joke about our enmeshment (and when I say joke I mean there’s a lot of crying.) It’s the flipside of soul union but this was pretty crazy even for us. We woke up this morning having had dreams that seemed to be doing the subconscious work of the other’s day?!

Here’s how it went down. Cock woke up, rolled over for a snooze and a cuddle and groggily mentioned that he had a weird dream about being out on the road. He went on to explain how we had been driving and saw some familiar faces from his past. We pulled over and went into a local bar for a drink. Throughout the drinks Cock said that he had this weird feeling that folks were talking about the group unkindly and that he was suspicious that even the folks that were polite to our faces seemed to be in on the joke.

A processing dream about passing and safety wouldn’t be particularly odd except that Cock had mentioned that he had a really “good gender day,” so to speak. He had really good interactions at work and on top of being read the way he would like to be read his nurturing feminine aspects were also positively validated without undermining his gender (something a lot of male/masculine identified folks cis/trans/otherwise don’t often get to experience.)

Even more odd was that I had the opposite  experience during my day. Now I’m pretty little and, sure, I have short hair, tattoos and like a collared shirt and tie as much as the next dapper aspiring queer, but this time of year tattoos are covered up out of sheer weather functionality and I was rocking pretty feminine earrings to go along with my giant men’s watch. Gross gender expectations usually put me in a pretty neutral non-threatening category. In this particular presentation I generally fly under the radar escaping unwanted attention from straight men and also don’t really rate high enough to be fucked with unless I’m with other queer presenting folks or feminine presenting ladies. Not to say that I wasn’t fucking with gender norms a bit, which can be instigating, but I didn’t anticipate what I was wearing would garner me a second glance (except maybe from some questioning female folks… more on this ego/identity clusterfuck later.) And, yet, on this particular day I felt like I was getting negative stares, was being talked about and generally felt unease in areas I usually roll around pretty non-chalantly with my guard down, opening doors, smiling and with little posturing. Perhaps, even more odd (this is usually something Cock and I would discuss in depth,) this particular experience had slipped away to my unconscious by the time I got home and it hadn’t come up before bed.

We kind of, “huh”-ed at this experience and shrugged it off. Then I proceeded to tell Cock about the ridiculous dream I had which included me swimming in a pretty fabulous snow jacket I have, diving for lost plugs at the bottom of a pool but only finding cigarette butts and being fearful of being poisoned through borrowing plugs from a woman I knew in prison for poisoning her husbands. In the dream, because my plugs were lost at the bottom of pool after my snow jacket swimming (keep up people it’s all so logical,) the black widow prisoner had let me know where her secret plug stash was on the outside. However, when I told Cock about this solution (in my dream) he seemed irrationally scared that the plugs could poison me if I wore them.

Cock then proceeded to tell me how he had been doing a training for his work where they warned about accepting food from clients. Rather than discuss the very reasonable issues of dual relationships, conflicts of interest or confusing expectations/power dynamics that could come from having a casual intimate interaction with your client like eating together while you were working in their home– the trainer in the video proceeded to give an anecdote about a court case where someone had gotten sick after accepting orange juice because the mother would poison any new person that came into the home with Draino.

Again, this experience which had struck Cock as odd, didn’t come up in conversation before bed.

DOUBLE “HUH?!”

It seemed that somehow we had processed each other’s discomfort that day in dream world. We didn’t even use any Ashwaganda or Mugwort last night!

———

And a public service announcement to bring my title (which was really just about wanting to talk about the wonders of coconut oil lube) full circle.

{[PSA]} Aside from switching out your latex condoms if you decide to invest in a double economy size coconut oil pack from Costco also beware of lubricating yourself right into your partner|s’ dream space! Talk about the final frontier of forbidden orifices! Oi! The consent implications!

#HappyCoconutOiling,

Cock{ASIA}