Were we the only ones that got wet from Rife’s guest post on Submissive Fantasy vs Submissive Reality on Sugarbutch yesterday?

It got me thinking about why? I don’t perceive that anything that Sinclair and his boy Rife offer to the interwebs is ever completely devoid of cock hardening and cunt dripping inspiration but there was also clearly another point to be made. The smut and scandal acted as a bit of foreplay for widening our understanding of D/S relationships, for the three dimensionality of all of our relationships in general and most interestingly (to me) called awareness to the intersections of lived queerness in our play.

We’ve played with service and submission. I like to curl up at Daddy’s feet as much as the next Kitty. The thought of bringing him a beer and then settling down on my knees between his legs while he reclines, one hand behind his head, biceps (un)intentionally flexed, sipping his beer, eyes intently locked on mine, both encouraging and warning me to keep my kitty paws and licks and sucks to myself until invited, watching a wet spot form under the bulge in his briefs is enough to inspire a similar saturation in my panties….

{I’ll give you a minute…}

The thought of these play dates was unquestionably arousing but the the thought of a full time 24/7 relationship left the climate in my sexual universe decidedly more arid. Hearing about lifestyle play turned play lifestyle had always been kind of a (little tiny kitty sized) boner killer for me…. meowrowr…..

Then this guest post from Rife.

Hmph… *notices tingly feeling thinking about a daily service ritual for Cock*…. interesting…

So after updating Cock on newly discovered tingles, making out voraciously and coaxing out some growls and spanks while I straddled him and purred about what such a 24/7 day might look like into his ear I got back to the “Hmph… interesting…”

Why was “the reality” so much sexier??

While Cock and I play a lot with power dynamics, use and service– we do it in play in between the context of our everyday lives– and we know that the time, intellect, insight and caring we have to put to these play periods is a huge fucking privilege.

It’s a hustle to be queer folks trying to live consistently and authentically in this world. A full time fucking hustle.

There are days when we feel like the most magick unicorn versions of ourselves spreading rainbow glitter love through the land and times when just flying back to each other safely and un-triggered at the end of the day is an accomplishment that seems touch and go. The fantasy of a full time D/S relationship just seemed kind of… frivolous and incomprehensible in relation to that hustle… both major (little tiny kitty sized) boner killers.

I think that’s why reading about “the reality” was such a (little tiny kitty sized) boner inducer. It took into account the hustle and made the fantasy accessible because, in truth, we can’t ever really separate our fantasies from our realities completely. Our relationships, our love, our partnerships, our friendships and our fucking will always be complimented by, complicated by and conscious of our queerness.

We can (and should) build affirming sacred spaces where we love and fuck each other on our own terms in wild abandon but these sacred spaces will look different from those for whom more of the world is a safe space. We might never engage in a full time D/S relationship because (for us) sometimes the process of making our way through this world feels good worked out in the bedroom and sometimes we want to come back to each other and hold each other as equals, letting all of our individual and shared parts, top, bottom, daddy, kitty or otherwise fall integrated into each other. Also, because there are days when we both need a lap to be held in– any daddy’s have room for one of us on each knee… at your feet… between your legs, pressed up against a wall… I digress. In all seriousness though we each need to, individually, and as couples, groups, families, communities, etc explore and figure out what our individual process and play will look like and we shouldn’t let the struggle keep us from finding the best fit. It’s honoring of ourselves to give space to these fantasies and the processing and healing we can access by putting them into practice.

So, in summation, and in honor of little tiny kitty sized boners, D/S relationships, queer unicorn magick, big bulges, wet chones, the fantasy AND the reality–

Go forth and serve, and play, and process and heal!

In Journey,

Cock{ASIA}

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